Imaginary Love & Crushes, and Lithromanticism

Name: Pooja Patel (Phudoname)
Age: 35
Country: India

Pooja Patel, a quintessential ’90s kid, had always been a die-hard fan of Bollywood romantic films. Ever since she was little, she dreamt of living out the grand love stories she watched on screen. She spent hours imagining herself as the enigmatic heroines, swept up in heart-fluttering romances with charming, dashing heroes. Her bedroom walls were plastered with posters of these on-screen idols. Pooja would lose herself in the vibrant dance sequences and dramatic declarations of love, feeling a thrill of excitement each time. As she grew older, she became certain that one day, she too would have a relationship just like the ones in her beloved ROM-COM.

But as the years passed and she reached her mid-twenties, that dream remained elusive. Despite feeling a strong emotional connection to the idea of romance in films, she had never actually fallen in love. Her friends would chat excitedly about their crushes and relationships, while Pooja felt increasingly puzzled and even a bit anxious. Why, she wondered, hadn’t she ever experienced those emotions in real life?

She began to doubt herself, thinking that perhaps something was wrong with her. Maybe she was too picky, or too focused on her fantasy world to see the real opportunities around her. But even as she tried to push herself into dating and meeting people, none of the experiences resonated with her. The charming smiles, sweet words, and romantic gestures that thrilled her on screen felt empty and unnecessary in real life.

Then, one day, Pooja met Rahul at the first show of her favorite film star’s latest release. They instantly clicked over their shared love for all things Bollywood, both carrying the same over-the-top, cinematic flair. Rahul seemed like everything she had dreamed of—an ardent fan of romantic films who, like her, envisioned a grand, filmy relationship filled with drama, passion, and sweeping gestures. At first, Pooja believed she had finally found the love story she had always hoped for. But to her surprise, the very things she had longed for started to feel uncomfortable and even irritating.

Rahul had always been a sucker for Bollywood romance. He’d grown up on a steady diet of Yash Raj movies and dramatic love ballads.  So he figured if real-life romance could mirror those romantic scenes, they’d be happy forever. But when Rahul would surprise her with overly romantic gestures, serenading her with love songs or planning dramatic dates, Pooja felt… nothing. The sparkle she used to feel while watching films turned into a dull weight of obligation. Instead of being swept off her feet, she felt trapped in a performance she no longer wanted to be part of. The more Rahul expressed his romantic feelings, the more she recoiled.

Confused and distressed, Pooja decided to see a psychologist. She explained her situation, how she loved the idea of romance but felt disconnected when it was directed at her in real life. The psychologist listened thoughtfully and then introduced her to the concept of lithromanticism.

“A lithromantic is someone who experiences romantic attraction to others, but does not want those feelings to be reciprocated: 

• They may daydream about a crush, enjoy their company, and have romantic feelings for them. 
• They may flirt with others and become romantically interested in them, but do not want to enter a romantic relationship. 
• They may disengage from someone when they know their romantic feelings are mutual. 
• Their distaste for romance is intrinsic and permanent. 

The term “lithromantic” comes from the Greek word lithos, which means “stone”. It refers to how lithromantics’ feelings remain unchanged despite receiving affection from others.”

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“There is a range of romantic orientations that don’t focus on reciprocated love,” the psychologist explained gently. “One of which is lithromanticism. People who are lithromantic feel romantic attraction towards others, much like anyone else. They may daydream about someone they have a crush on, enjoy their company, and have romantic feelings for them. But they don’t desire those feelings to be reciprocated or acted upon in a typical romantic relationship.”

Hearing this was a revelation for Pooja. It was as if a light had been turned on inside her, illuminating a path she had never seen before. For so long, she had been trying to fit herself into the mold of the romantic heroine, thinking that was the only way to find happiness. But now she realized that her feelings were valid and natural, just different from what she had been led to believe was “normal.”

With this newfound understanding, Pooja felt a sense of peace she hadn’t experienced before. She no longer blamed herself for not living up to her cinematic fantasies. Knowing her orientation helped her feel more connected to herself, even if it meant facing the reality that her relationship with Rahul might not last.

When Pooja eventually shared her orientation with Rahul, he struggled to understand. He was hurt and confused, feeling as though he had lost the perfect love story he had imagined. They had a difficult, emotional breakup, but Pooja was surprised by the sense of relief she felt. For the first time, she wasn’t trying to force herself into a role that didn’t suit her.

Instead of feeling guilty or ashamed, Pooja felt empowered. She realized that her happiness didn’t have to come from fulfilling someone else’s expectations. She could enjoy romance in her own way, through films, daydreams, and friendships, without needing to engage in traditional romantic relationships.

As she moved forward, Pooja found joy in exploring her identity and connecting with others who understood her experiences. She still loved Bollywood films, still got lost in the dreamy romances on screen, but she no longer felt the pressure to make them her reality. For her, understanding and accepting herself was the real key to happiness—one that no grand romantic gesture could ever replace.